Cat Moms Vs. Dog Moms — The Debate Rages On

Cat Moms Vs. Dog Moms — The Debate Rages On

YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. THE CAT MOM WHO SHOWERS THEIR FURRY LITTLE FELINE WITH MORE LOVE THAN HER ONLY-A-FEW-YEARS-LEFT PARENTS. THE CAT MOM WHO, ODDLY, TAKES HER CAT EVERYWHERE? “I’M GOING GROCERY SHOPPING, HUNNY. I’M GOING TO BRING SIMON!” IN CASES LIKE THESE, THE HUSBAND GENERALLY JUST SHAKES HIS HEAD AND MOVES ON WITH HIS DAY, NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE IS. THE CAT MOM TREATS HER CAT LIKE A ROYAL PRINCESS. IF PUSH CAME TO SHOVE, IT’S WISE TO PLACE A WAGER ON THE CAT MOM THROWING HERSELF IN FRONT OF A BULLET THAT WAS HEADED FOR SIMON. NOTHING, AND I DO MEAN NOTHING, WILL HURT HER FUR BABY. TO SUM IT ALL UP, OBSESSED IS A GREAT WAY DESCRIBE THE CAT MOM.

THE DOG MOM HAS A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT VIBE TO HER. WHILE MUCH MORE SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE THAN THE DOG MOM, THE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THE CAT AND DOG MOM ARE STUNNINGLY SIMILAR AFTER A SHORT BIT OF OBSERVATION. AS MENTIONED WITH THE CAT MOM, THE DOG MOM IS MOST DEFINITELY BRINGING ROVER ON EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE CAR RIDE. TRIP TO PICK UP THE KIDS? C’MON, ROVER! HEADED TO GRANDMAS? HOP IN THE CAR, ROVER! HEADED TO THE HOCKEY RINK FOR LITTLE JONNY’S PRACTICE? WHY NOT SPENT A LITTLE TIME WALKING THE BIRTHDAY DOG AROUND THE PERIMETER OF THE ICE RINK FOR TWO HOURS. THE DOG MOM SIMPLY GIVES NO CRAPS. ROVER IS COMING WHETHER ANYBODY OBJECTS OR NOT. ROVER IS GOING TO EAT THE FINEST FOODS, AND ROVER IS GOING TO BE REWARDED WITH CANINE CUPCAKES WHETHER HE SHREDS THE LIVING ROOM COUCH OR TAKES A BIG POOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BABY’S ROOM. REMEMBER, FOR THE DOG MOM, IT’S NOT ABOUT HOW ROVER SMELLS ON THE OUTSIDE, IT’S ABOUT WHAT ROVER POSSESSES ON THE INSIDE.

Scat-mom-vs-dog-mom-dog-birtO, WITH ALL OF THAT SAID, JUST WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE CAT MOM AND THE CAT DOG? I’D SAY, FOR STARTERS, THE CAT MOM CLEARLY HAS SLIGHTLY LESS SANITY. I CANNOT CONFIDENTLY SAY I KNOW A SINGLE CAT MOM WHO DOESN’T HAVE A LOOSE SCREW OR TWO. THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO THE WITCHCRAFT, FLY OFF THE HANDLE, VOODOO LOVING, HOROSCOPE READING, MIDDLE AGED WOMAN. THE CAT(S) IS HER LIFE, AND WITHOUT SIMON BY HER SIDE, LIFE IS NOT WORTH LIVING. AND WHILE IT’S PERFECTLY NORMAL TO BRING A DOG TO RUN AROUND WITH ANOTHER DOG, IT SEEMS A BIT EXTREME TO BRING A CAT OVER TO YOUR FRIENDS HOUSE TO “PLAY WITH THE OTHER CAT?” I MEAN, DO CATS ACTUALLY “PLAY” WITH EACH OTHER? I WOULD IMAGINE THEY WOULD JUST HISS AT EACH OTHER, THROW IN A FEW FU THIS IS MY TERRITORY MEOWS, AND HEAD BACK UNDER THE CHAIR FOR A SNOOZE. HOWEVER, THE CAT MOM IS DEAD SET ON SIMON HAVING FRIENDS, AND SHE WILL GO TO WHATEVER EXTREMES NECESSARY. YES, THAT MEANS IGNORING SIMON’S LOUD CRIES FOR HELP WHILE CAGED UP IN THE BACK OF CAT MOM’S HONDA CIVIC.

LET’S CUT TO THE CHASE AND SUM UP THE CAT MOM. THE CAT MOM IS CRAZY.

WHAT ABOUT THE DOG MOM? WHY IS THE DOG MOM SO MUCH MORE SANE THAN THE CAT MOM, IN MY OPINION? WELL, THE DOG MOM USUALLY HAS A FAMILY. THE DOG MOM GENERALLY HAS A LIFE BESIDES ROVER, AND DOESN’T PLAN HER WEEK AROUND ROVER’S PLAY TIME. THE DOG MOM USUALLY GOES A LITTLE OVERBOARD, SUCH AS THE ANNUAL DOG BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION, BUT IT’S ALL WITHIN REASON. SURE, SHE CERTAINLY GOES ABOVE AND BEYOND WHAT YOU WOULD EXPECT FROM THE AVERAGE DOG MOM, BUT IT’S USUALLY NOT ON THE LEVEL OF THE CRAZY CAT MOM. THE CAT MOM ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE A SINGLE OLD WOMAN WHO MOST PEOPLE ARE SCARED TO APPROACH. THE DOG MOM TENDS TO BE A NURSE, WHO IS A MOTHER OF THREE, MARRIED TO THE LOCAL SCHOOL PRINCIPAL, AND WHO CANNOT BE FOUND AT THE PSYCHIC EVERY TUESDAY AND THURSDAY EVENING. THE DOG MOM SEEMS TO JUST HAVE A REAL LOVE FOR ANIMALS, AND NOT A LOVE OF THINGS MOST PEOPLE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.

ALLOW ME TO PUT IT TO YOU LIKE THIS: I’M WILLING TO DATE A DOG MOM WITHOUT HESITATION. SHE DOESN’T SCARE ME, AND IS USUALLY A CUTE AND SMILEY WOMAN WITH A PASSION FOR LIFE. A CAT MOM, THOUGH? I’M DEFINITELY TREADING LIGHTLY. I’M NOT GOING TO HER HOUSE UNTIL AT LEAST THE FIFTH DATE, AND THE FIRST FOUR NEED TO BE IN A PUBLIC SETTING.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE CAT MOM ALWAYS SAYS… “JUST WATCHING MY CAT MAKES MY HAPPY!”

::mic drop::

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